antecoitus

The year has started, officially. I again have the next two months already filled with plans which appeared on my agenda magically (well not really, they were forced on me). This means bonking and banging MS Office Outlook in the evenings, instead, because of meetings during the day. But before I leave my child, this blog, I’ll post one more as an interim eulogy. Till then, till then. Baboosh.

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Can I just say how much I adore this ‘web social networking’ phenomenon? I have never been this connected to friends and acquaintances which helps me a lot — being here. Even if my profile remains private and mostly my friends are filled with people I already know – there still are some interesting people to meet (though I don’t get especially excited about the opportunity to uplift the ego with messages that contain, hey momma wanna get together?).  Had I been 10 years older, maybe I would not even think of setting up an account. I would have missed the chance of finding sandbox/kindergarten friends; I would not have gotten the chance of developing friendships which I did not think would have worked before; I would have missed out on all the entertainment I get from reading profiles, testimonials and blogs. When you are in strict orders of the doctor to stay and rot at home like I did a few days ago, it’s a great alternative to amuse yourself. How can friendster (or any social networking site, for that matter) pull you out of boredom?

1. You get the latest updates from friends, where they are, how they’re doing and if you would like to connect with them on another level, you can write them a message or send them a smile – how cute is that? Nyaha. I wasn’t born to be cute, but when I send a smile, I get to be a bit.

2. You can live vicariously through blogs, watch some amazing videos and listen to peole invent the soundtrack of their lives.

3. You can count how many times the words ass and bitch appear on photo captions. Snoop Dogg, not very proud of ya. Your influence on the youth went straight into their mouths. Where have I been? Oh and I didn’t notice when bitch (or its more angsty ghetto – yet a tad more glamorous - version ‘biatch’) became inanely popular, that everyone says it like its some other word like… I don’t know… uhm… ‘like?’

4. You can see how some people really don’t know what to put on their photo captions. Like me. So, I ended up listing events or when and where the photos were taken. When I don’t know what to put, I leave it alone. Or maybe I will start to make a plea for people to make my own captions, but I imagine at this point… everyone else has better things to do. Maybe.

5. You will notice how it has promoted personal expression. More like, hi this is me, I don’t care if you like me, you’re visiting my page so… eat this. It has made everyone at least one ounce more confident of themselves. I know someone who once said friendster has made her like herself more. She wasn’t able to grasp how nice it would be to see herself on a website and be seen in turn by her network. Now she does. And she’s not at all scared to say –I’m sexy, I’m pretty, I rock – which I think is just grand. (I’m not there yet. As for me, I still see myself in the morning mirror and say, I would have looked nicer if I were a guy. Besides, we cannot all rock, if everyone did, nobody else would be watching, right? I like to watch – nyaharhar – how’s that for creepy?). I think its cool that it has boosted morale in a way, I really do. And hopefully soon, even honesty.

6. I love profiles. Reading, that is. I couldn’t make my own profile properly so I excused myself and made this blog instead so I wouldn’t have to explain myself. I hate explaining myself. My absolute awe goes to those people with wonderful quips on themselves, either just a line or a bullet point list. I’ve seen one profile though which I think used up all the characters, I was looking at it completely astonished at how well he knew himself, much more write about it. And it wasn’t an easy read .. it wasn’t one of those which said ‚‘likes sharon cuneta, hates andrew e‘ or anything like that. It looked to me like a rosary prayer so I didn’t really have the time nor patience to read it. But when I did, it was quite disappointing because it wasn’t saying anything much more than,“I’m like this, but not really, I believe in this, unless, my philosophy is like this but maybe sometimes this‘ so in total, I really didn’t get it.

7.The photos are the best. Love it.

8.I know of real life romances springing from friendster or some other circle of friends concept site thing. =)) what did I just say?

9. Friendster is valued at usd53 million, not bad. My Space has apparently taken it over on 2004 in terms of page views. Who cares though, I only need one and… I truthfully am lazy to make another.

10. The best thing about friendster is… You’ll never know what is real.

G and I watched The Holiday (Kate Winslet, Cameron Diaz, Jude Law, Jack Black) on Saturday night, to keep me from losing my wits from staying at home too long. It was one of the very few chick flicks I honestly liked, it wasn’t at all a cutesy-adolescent-like love story nor was it a cheap strong-woman-pro-emancipation hardsell.

G said, It celebrated life.

You’ll have a lot of moments when you think you’re going to cry but you’re really not. You’ll have a lot of those split seconds of minute aches in your chest, but pleasant ones. The ones that you feel when you’ve just realized you’ve fallen in love or when you’re about to burst into tears of joy. Anyway, there was this one scene where Jack Black who plays a film musical composer tells Kate Winslet how The Mission’s (1986 – Robert De Niro, Jeremy Irons were 18th century Spanish jesuits) musical score changed his life. Since soundtracks never truly appealed to me, I haven’t really paid attention to it. When we came home, G told me that he had the sound track of The Mission so we decided to listen to it. It was only then that he realized that the music reminded him of his first real love (no, he didn’t meet him on a religious mission, they played the OST during study time in his flat in college) – that someone whom he truly brazenly loved – the same person who broke his heart. So that night, i left poor him nostalgic.

On Sunday we went to our second most favourite sushi place. In between pieces of mermaid roll (tempura,avocado, crab cream, cucumber – gutom na ko) and tamago sushi, he told me how reflective of the past he got the night before. Consequently, he hid the cd, among all the other memories and buried it in that organized mess he calls a closet. He asked me just when the tonkatsu came – ‘How will I describe heartbreak?’, so I told him this:

"Okay, I think heartbreak is that breaking point when you seem to lose all hope of never being truly alone, it can last a moment, it can last years… but it always feels like a lifetime. I think it’s the worst feeling you can ever experience, next to the death of a loved one. Honestly, I would rather drown in a big human sized bowl of crap than undergo heartbreak again, but it’s inevitable. Like peeing is. Its like somebody you loved so much, to whom you gave what you thought was your best — took you by the back of the neck like a helpless house cat, scraped your skin with a fast food plastic bread knife, left you in front of a beach for hours without skin so that saltwater and the wind can blow on your exposed muscle tissues, then, he comes back with lemon and squeezes the damned fruit’s juice all over your bloody body as a bonus. All of that, while he looks directly into your eyes to further damage what could have been left whole still. That’s how real heartbreak feels like. At that moment when you realize he has lied to you or disappointed or hurt you either on purpose or through plain idiocy, you feel an invisible hand punch you in the chest. No, no, wait, it actually feels more like a giant steam roller dancing jive on your chest until your lungs feel like they shrunk into inch sized cubes. You cry and let it all out, it doesn’t hurt that he’s with someone else, for all you know that someone else is someone you cannot respect anyway – so no use dwelling on that, right? What hurts is that the person you knew to be somebody else was not really how your drew him in your head to be in the end… or a better explanation is… that he was truthfully your hero before but then he decided to be a jerk-off because of some kind of stimulus — you don’t know what and you don’t think you’ll ever be able to understand. So you try to call back all the memories you can muster and lose sleep over them, asking yourself over and over what happened. But generally, its not you. Maybe its his fate, or their karma. All you know is that to you, it feels like somebody died. More tragically, it’s like somebody died… ON you. And you’re sitting there with his limp body on top of you preventing you to stand up, walk out and move on.

No matter how much you look at him again it will be impossible to see the same person, the spirit will never be there for a second time even just for friendship. When it’s over, the best parts usually never come back and a superficial layer you would like to call friendship will be the only thing left. And you would want it to stay JUST as it is, because you know that going back is the wrong choice, something will always hold you back. It maybe memories of him and the woman he diddled with together in bed (or other highly imaginative things you can create in your head), those many times he lied to you or those times when he plain didn’t deliver. I think, heartbroken as you are you shouldn’t worry. A hand is played and more likely after the pain, all the luck is yours. If you can be friends with him again, I will be the first to shake your hand. It’s no easy feat.

After all that, you will look back and say that it was ALL SUCH … an overkill of drama. Don’t worry. You will forget most of it. Not the pain… because we’re built to remember it, so that we can reuse the pain and protect ourselves at least subliminally. The who and the how though will blur and you will realize that the experience of a broken heart is over rated and yet rewarding, especially if you went out of it with your head held high.

All that hurting and grief will pale beside a new love. The joy of a new love, I would not even attempt to describe because it’s unspeakable. That, you’d have to experience on your own because no matter how many books you read or how many love theories you bury your nose into, it’s nothing like the real thing. All the great movie lines you’ve heard, even if you sum them all up they wouldn’t amount to it. The only trick is you’d have to undergo all those nasty details of heartbreak before you are able to move onto the higher level, the new place. Believe me, it’s worth it. And if the stars conspire, you might not even have to go through any kind of heartbreak again.

You will remember the heartbreak long after and realize, taking the higher road, never fails."

I’m taking back all the hate I have hurled towards Mondays! All those days when my alarm has woken me with a jolt and I curse at the universe for making Monday come, I take all those cuss words back and bid my life to toil again. I miss work with such fervor I feel heartbroken… kidding… but I do miss being a bit more productive than I have been for the past several days. More productive than, say, planning the movie list or making sure that I have milk enough to last me the day. Proof of this utter boredom was my grit to take advantage of the season sale in the centre, yesterday, albeit the resistance I received from W. After the fourth shop I was already clutching my stomach in pain, W was right and, I was pigheaded as usual. This morning I went out to our balcony to get some fresh air, as my second morning task after meds and cornflakes. I like being in the balcony, some of my neighbors like having their balcony doors or their bigger windows open even when they have family business to talk about. Most of the time, I hear people having sex (unless that rhythmic ah, ah, ah, is something else… and if it is, then I want it). Other times, I hear some husband who has just come home and his wife throwing him out with mere tonsil power. There’s nothing much happening today in our building but a lot in my head, so I decided to write them down.

On Gender and Sexuality

If and when I get lucky enough to have kids, I prefer to send them to a co-ed school, a non-gender exclusive institution of learning. Nothing against those educated in an all-‘insert gender here’ school, being from one my self. I think they’re great; the quality of education across these schools must be more or less the same, anyhow. However, I would like to give my kids the possibility of understanding the bugs of each gender type. I want them to understand the subtleties of sexuality – the strengths and the frailties of each by growing up in an environment where all these possibilities are provided to them. And please, sexuality does not just equate to sexual preference (towards a man/woman) or orientation (homo, hetero, bi). Gender and sexuality encompasses issues of feminism, esteem even cross gender communication. I would like my kids to be respectful of other people’s character and make up, no matter their gender, preference or orientation. I want them to be open to each possible direction and be as they are meant to be without having to be repressed by hypocrisy, without having their own potentials limited. I do not want them to look up to other people just by virtue of their gender that somehow dictates their position in an invisible caste.

Now on the two-facedness of society in terms of accepting other possible sexual orientations:

Joey: Ross, I got a science question for you.

Ross:  Okay, shoot.

Joey: If Homo sapiens are indeed, HOMO… Sapiens, is that why they’re instinct?

Ross: Joey, Homo sapiens are people.

Joey: Hey, I’m not judgin’.

There are very few gay* jokes I can take. Especially from losers. (I think the one above is not particularly offensive as it plays more on Joey’s intellect more than anything else, but I put it there anyway as a transitional device =)). I believe, that children who grow up thinking that it is right to create sweeping generalizations about people who are different from them usually cannot make their own lives work, because they have lived in fear of being judged themselves.

My children cannot grow up making silly, shallow, uneducated jokes and remarks about other people just because they were acclimatized to thinking so. And if there is anything degrading about other people that would come out of their mouths, they’re going to get it. They’re going to get it like I got it from my mom when I acted all stuck up on my sister once. They have to learn to think for themselves, on issues such as and other than.

The hypocrisy of our self-proclaimed liberal generation is sickening. The way some people complain ‘what do gay/lesbian movements want… they’re accepted’… please! Women have been at it for centuries now and we’re still not there yet. C’mon, think about it… b r o k e b a c k  m o u n t a i n - was the first ever mainstream movie about two men in love. How long did it take? Too long. Although it did discuss the difficulties gay men go through during that period, it was above all, a love story. You could have replaced one of them with a girl and the story would not breakdown. Birdcage (with Robin Williams) on the other hand will, because it is based on the idiosyncrasies of a family with two same gender parents.

It is true that homosexuals are fighting for legal rights, but the common rights which they should just get from people around them, friends sometimes even, are still being denied from them. We like to watch fun gay movies or musicals, but when a gay couple kisses in front of us, we still cringe. We laugh with them, but we cannot be with them. That’s why I believe that every proud gay couple should not be ashamed of public intimacy, if they feel like being sweet in the moment, they should. Who else will be proud of their relationship, if not them? Other people, those short sighted phonies should understand that affection is part of every bond.

I once heard a guy say, ‘I’m not homophobic, just as long as they don’t do anything with me, touch me or something’. Amazing, the pieces of bull insecure people can come up with. Obviously, this guy has not looked well enough to see that most of the better-looking guys in the world are not heterosexual. Is he too macho for them? No, just too superficial. I remember the first time I cut my hair really short, I went to this fabulous hairdresser (who we’ll call Ryan – not his real name) who was the first one in all my two years in p r a g u e to take more than fifteen minutes to talk about how he thinks my hair should look like. I loved him. So, I was in the chair, watching my locks fall inch after inch while we talk about everything, when the door opened. He started commenting on the guy who came in, how he finds him really attractive. I said, ‘you want to meet him?”. He said, ‘What, you know him?’, and before I can say anything, the guy came over and kissed me on the cheek. W, came to give me moral support on the day I’m losing half my hair. Ryan turned burgundy, I introduced them, W shook his hand and they started to talk. ‘I hope you take care of my girlfriend, she’s a cropped hair virgin’, W said to which Ryan retorted, ‘I know she was in a bit of pain, you can see it in her face’. They laugh. I look at W and feel in love with him again. Seirously, how many guys can, without malice and without making snide snickering comments after do that? Not a lot. Some even think they’re targets of an invisible force of gay men who want them. Jesus Christ on a Harley-Davidson. The most wonderful people in my life happen to be gay and sorry to bust your balls this time but life is exciting enough for them to beg you for it.

Acceptance is just one step on this fight, genuine integration into the society is the real fight. Nevertheless, the gay/lesbian community should also stop discriminating within. My friend who is at least 15 years older than me, told me that during his time being gay was like being in a club… where there’s a lot of ‘should-be’s. They were a club who loved c h e r and Madonna; they were great dressers who hated football, or any sports activity that asks you to melt under the sun and everyone can pull off a one liner like a proper queen. He hated c  h e , still does; he likes basketball, but his orientation does not change. He felt rather alone.

It’s a long way true, but I think it will happen. I’m sure their inherent strength of character and sometimes piercing sincerity will pull them through. Like one friend of mine said, real integration means that his staff (he’s holding quite a high position in a corporate set-up) would in the future be able to say: ‘I had a great manager’ without having to say in a tone of amazement ‘and he happens to be gay’. Just a great manager, that’s enough.

* next posts are on friendster and heartbreaks, but first I have to go make myself some lunch.

The holidays (which included my birthday) had been
great. I’ve connected with most of the more important people in my life. While
Christmas was the usual and the birthday, sweet, New Year proved to be
interesting. We first planned to have dinner with Wojtek’s friends but that
went to hell because they didn’t manage to organize it properly. So instead of
that I ended up having a more eventful eve than was expected. Wojtek and I had
our own couple’s dinner, we didn’t reserve any place in the restaurant but
since we were regulars we got a tiny nook in the overcrowded restaurant. It’s amazingly
grueling to get a table on New Year’s Eve here, plus they have ‘SPECIAL’ nights which
seem to be really rather special since they cost an arm and a leg, so we were
pretty lucky. After dinner I went to Gerard’s for a little eve chika with him
and his lovely sisters, where I also got to dance “wildcats (from the
Highschool Musical) with Marina (his niece). Hehe. It was around 10pm when I
got to Elaine’s for the party with my girls and their husbands while Wojtek was
with our other friends getting tipsy in our flat. I was to meet him in Norton
when the ball drops. I was in the streets walking to Norton which was a block
away from Elaine’s place in Parizska at half past eleven. When I got inside the
club, a fight was beginning to ensue. See, that I don’t understand. How are you
not able to wait for some people to have a proper new year’s first before you
start acting all alcohol-powered high and mighty? Nobody wanted to fight so our
group moved out, which is half of the tiny club. Wojtek and Kenan had a
wonderful idea of getting champagne and watching the fireworks before moving to
Zero, where the group moved.

Never regret, if it’s good it’s wonderful. If it’s bad
it’s experience – Victoria Holt

The best smell in the world is that of the man you
love. – Jennifer Aniston (nampuch, hindi bagay.. hehehe)

Do you still remember the movie New York Stories (1989), a movie with three segments directed by Martin Scorsese, Francis Ford Coppola and Woody Allen? In the first story entitled Life Lessons which starred Nick Nolte and Rosanna Arquette, Steve Buscemi who played a comedian and one of the people Rosanna dates had a monologue which said (from my memory so forgive me if I do not get the exact words)… ‘I hate it so much when you ask somebody how they are and they tell you… I’m content. I’m always tempted to say ‘how about if I smack you now, how would you feel then?’/ Today I woke up and I felt… EVEN… I didn’t like it’.

Contentment is a very complex idea because we never really know when we are, because if we honestly are, we would stop kicking and pushing and moving forward. There are people whom I’ve met who take their lives sincerely as it is and know in their hearts they can die tomorrow without regret. Those who think they have seen enough of it and do not need more. They are fine with what they have and are never judgmental or afraid of those who are more expansive. But then there are those people who preach contentment to cover their pride and their fear. I loathe this type. Especially the ones who think they have ascendancy over others who have decided differently about their lives.

Going out of the country is unfortunately often times connected to discontent by some. Maybe it is, or maybe its just another option.

Several times during my flights home, I have sat beside an ageing mother or father of around 30 or more, who works outside of the country in an effort to provide more for his family in the Philippines. Each time it melts my heart. Usually they would start the conversation with a question ‘Are you Filipina?’, I respond. Half-expecting a barrage of smiles and unsolicited information. I entertain these exchanges not out of boredom but out of pure interest. It makes me feel warm. I imagine that to some of them, it is like talking to their child or friend whom they have not connected with in a while. Technology just does not cut it. Phones and instant messaging still lack spirit. It will not be long before I get to know half of their extended family, before I get to see pictures of their children – the one who got ‘best in math’ or ‘most behaved’ or the one who won the local beauty pageant. Their pride comes not only from their kids, but from the fact that they are part of it even from afar. In their voices there would also be that familiar note of guilt, of pain, that they cannot be there with them all the time. I would usually trade mobile phone numbers with them, half-knowing that they will forget about me the moment they see their family. To them I was family on that 20 hour trip, and so were they to me. I see my parents in them every time and my heart stings knowing that some of them are close to retirement age and yet still hold the wheel to help veer the family in a direction they dream about. Is it discontent or is it a conscious sacrifice?

I sometimes incredulously laugh at the ingenuity of some Filipinos working abroad who try to sell make-up products (or just about anything) to other Filipinos whom they have never seen before and only just met at the waiting area (gate). I asked one why she still thinks of business when she should be already relaxing thinking of getting reunited with her family, she told me “somehow the income from my airport sales can additionally finance my children’s duty free shopping”. Is it discontent or is it sincere generosity?

When the plane is about to land, they clap their hearts out like somebody brought a celebrity to sing for them. My cheeks sometimes blush with a tinge of embarrassment but my heart would be doing the same thing. It would even be doing somersaults in the air knowing that the stickiness of humidity will soon crawl on my skin; the WOW Philippines string quartet will welcome me yet again; the distinct sweet smell of the air and of Filipino food (and patis) will be feasting in my nostrils; and my family will be rushing to me with wholehearted enthusiasm. Being far away is not simple. Is it discontent or is it necessity? Or is it simply, a choice?

Why do some people leave if not being home is unbearable?

Because life is not as straightforward as our self-righteous brothers think. Because some people look for themselves in other ways than the more conventional ones. Maybe also, because some people have lost faith in the Philippines, true. Sadly most of the time because of the people who have been left behind. Sometimes, the same people who preach idealism and hope for the Philippines either have been irresponsible of their own lives, have become too happy with themselves and turned towards the wrong direction in the process. Either that or they have let apathy grow inside of them like maggots eating up tolerance.

Because some people do not like feeling EVEN and indifferent and its their own way of dealing with their disappointments or their needs of self-fulfillment, and of finding happiness for their family - if only to fulfill the most basic of all necessities - and for themselves.

Shame to those who think that such (contestable suggestion of) contentment equates to nobility, and ambition to greed. I hope you get the chance to have a conversation with the lovely people I have had the pleasure to meet beside my plane seat. I hope that you become lucky enough to see how unfair myopic arguments can be.

Had I known that Socrates was one of the first known Sagittarians (according to astrological deduction), I would have believed in all this zodiac destiny stuff earlier. But then again, he was one of the most annoying philosophers I have come across on textbook, with his Socratic irony – which I would say is one of the sneakiest yet more potent ways to beat an opponent in a debate – and his claim that all he knows is that he does not know, or even his dialectic. He was a man of questions; I was a kid of infuriating ‘why’s’ and hands so clumsy I did not know exactly what to do with them at any time of the day. I vividly remember being in pink leotards and tights right after my ballet lesson in the school canteen with my mother. I was about four or five then and I was asking her why soda has bubbles, and even before her speech on carbonate finished I was already asking ‘why would you want to drink air?”. After a couple more why’s she exasperatedly said with eyes bulging – “Ikaw, anak why do you think? From now on you answer your own why’s first.” I guess that was the beginning of my day dreaming and my blind theories. I do not claim to be as smart as Socrates, but I think I was (or am) as infuriating.

This year I received great birthday gifts, one of which was a Linda Goodman Sun Signs book. I know exactly how this came about. I have this colleague who has been trying to convince me that she knew my sun sign after just a few days of knowing me. See, I never really believed in it. In fact I had a special animosity against all that was about signs – sun signs, supposed heavenly intervention, blind faith on something just because one is scared to make a choice. Now, the third one I would never ever really rally for. I lost a good friend to it once, long story (not really worth telling). It being a gift and all, I read through it – how a Sagittarian person, man, woman, employee, boss and child is. And it was like reading about all the things I liked about myself and all the things I would never openly admit to myself, more so to other people. It explained why I have tried to rein my bluntness with conscious diplomacy or my spendthrift instincts with outright stinginess, why I hate preachy self-righteous people, why I drove my mother crazy with questions, why I cannot stand still in one place for too long, why I see the big picture and yet get bored with the details, why being told what to do never agreed with me (even inadvertently), why I enthusiastically wave my hand to make a point and upset the ketchup bottle, why I am a fan of a sometimes quite left handed optimism and why I forget to tell my colleagues that I will be outside of the country when I have actually told them I’m free to go shopping with them. I am a Sagittarian with a Sagittarian descendant; you cannot be more extreme than that in both the bad and the good traits. On the 26th since we were with nothing to do I read the book with W, the Gemini part for him and read him my part. It was fun..ny, that we started understanding where our fights are coming from and why he has to sometimes literally hold me back from going head on towards something.

I’m putting it here as a guide I can come back to and to remind me why I tend to indulge and why I am not very emotional. =) For 2007, the sun is apparently on Jupiter the whole year. I hope it means things would be great for me. I know though that since Jupiter is also the planet of luck — it should bring a lot of interesting changes in everyone’s life. I’m not a firm believer of the zodiacs, but I know I can accept what it says about me. I just wonder if people really see through. Have a great year. =)

Judy Anne – December 10, 1979 – 6:05am

Element: Fire

Mode: Mutable

Ruler: Jupiter

Color: Purple, Violet

Famous Sagittarians:
Woody Allen, Jane Austen, Christina Applegate, Ludwig Van Beethoven, Maria Callas, Eugene Ionesco, John F. Kennedy Jr., Bette Midler, Brad Pitt, Monica Seles, Frank Sinatra, Steven Spielberg, Tina Turner, Mark Twain, Gianni Versace, Walt Disney

Strengths:
Convivial, enthusiastic, ethical, expansive, fair, generous, idealistic, independent, optimistic, outgoing, spontaneous, tolerant, wise, honest

Weaknesses:
Arrogant, dogmatic, excessive, fanatic, flamboyant, irresponsible, ostentatious, reckless, unbound, unfaithful, blunt

SUN SIGN – Sagittarius

Sagittarius, the ninth sign of the zodiac, is considered the most prophetic of the signs, judy anne, because you have the urge to understand the meaning of life. Also the most mobile sign of the zodiac, you explore beyond physical and mental boundaries, and thrive on freedom and liberty. Jupiter, the planet of luck and expansion, is the ruler of Sagittarius, and brings optimism and joy to life. Jupiter is also associated with a person’s spiritual beliefs and philosophic standards.

Sagittarius is the third fire sign. This fiery influence is like a candle in the dark, lighting the way to knowledge and wisdom. You walk through life high-spirited and openhearted, always seeking the truth. You are farsighted and goal-directed, judy anne, and are gifted in grasping general principles.

Sagittarius rules the ninth house of the chart, the section associated with the exploration of the intellectual mind or the physical world. Therefore, this house stands for religion, philosophy, higher education, as well as long journeys.

Sagittarius is a mutable sign, making you a communicator and teacher. Since you have the natural ability to gain profound insight into scientific and spiritual fields, you feel that it is your mission to contribute your knowledge on to the world.

ASCENDANT – Sagittarius

Optimism and enthusiasm are defining terms for you, as a Sagittarius Rising. Particularly drawn to travel, you love exploration, as your mind is open to all new avenues of thought. You are idealistic, full of energy, and adventurous, and want to expand your boundaries to discover new possibilities.

Your ambitions are geared to large-scale goals and you love to overcome obstacles, live up to challenges, and reach out for the stars to bring them down to earth. You can be considered a person of the future because your eyes are always focused on what lies ahead of you. You demand freedom, and find yourself drawn to protecting those whose freedom may be infringed upon, such as children or animals. Fighting for any cause you find worthwhile is second nature to you.

You are constantly searching for the true meaning of our existence in this world, and therefore, you are fascinated by philosophical, religious, and scientific truths. At the same time, you are ethical in your thinking and have high moral standards.

Life Number 3

Your Life-Path number is probably the most influential numerological aspect to be considered and represents who you are at the time of birth. It indicates specific traits and will likely be active and influential throughout your lifetime. It is the overall number that determines much of what will be important to you and how you will handle things as they come.

THREE, your life is likely to be characterized by the undying need for expression. This can take the form in conversation but also in the arts. Typically, the THREE has an above-average ability in some art form. This can encompass painting, interior decorating, crafts, writing, music, drama, or all of the above. You are an original and creative thinker, and tend to dominate your circles intellectually. With the elegance of a dancer, you swing back and forth from one idea to another, with wit and eloquence. You also have the power to visualize your ideas, and express them scientifically. Since you identify yourself with your ideas, your most dynamic form of expression is intellectual.

You are sprightly and versatile, and usually end up being the life of every party. Mostly it is you, who gets up on the table and entertains everyone with an improvised one-man show. You feel most alive if you have an audience, are the center of attention, and get an immediate reaction to your mental and verbal output.

longganisa, tapsilog, tuyo, daing, dilis, champorado, la paz batchoy, goto, arroz caldo, ginataang isda, ginataang alimango, ginataang kuhol, sisig, crispy pata, lechong kawali, barbecue ni bimboy, sarsiyadong itlog ni auggee, caldereta, nilagang baka, prawns with oyster saauce, spicy spare ribs, binagoongan, isaw, barbecue at talong na may itlog na maalat at bagoong sa greenhouse, inihaw na hito na may sampalok, manggang may bagoong, adobo rice, adobong pusit, adobong sitaw, ginisang kalabasa, humba, lumpiang sariwa, halabos na hipon, sinigang na hipon, pritong tilapia, tuna kilawin, pastel de lengua, ampalaya braised with beef, paksiw na bangus, paksiw na lechon, mongo guisado, ukoy, yang chow, pancit palabok, sotanghon, banana cue, halo halo, halaya, leche flan.

magpakasasa kayo sa sarap ng noche buena. yan lahat ang namimiss ko. =(

ang swerte swerte nyo, sana ako rin may ganyan this christmas. hmf.

merry christmas, beautiful people! =))

Being anal is my only redemption from an otherwise rather messy head of dreams, ideals and a dogged, overly optimistic attitude of one day being able to come up with at least one original idea that will benefit the world. Yes, I am that restless and sometimes that sure of myself. (pagbigyan nyo na ko) =)) So I bought myself a diary in November and laid out my plans for 2007 until I realized I haven’t even spanked myself for all the people I annoyed in 2006 hehe. This year has been free of heartaches but has not been without its share of anecdotes.  What I managed to accomplish this year is nothing short of amazing… to me. I do not expect anyone else to drool over my humdrum existence, don’t worry. Nevertheless, it is my journal, which gives me the right to narrate whatever I want (sabi nga nila, hawak ko ang mic). This year has been extremely busy and yet very fulfilling. It is several times happier than 2005 and without the unsolicited characters anymore. Although I’m more and more feeling the pangs of homesickness, the fact that I have fully settled in p r a g u e. with my own support system and comfort zones in place – I do feel more at home. So if you should give me your kind indulgence, here is what I’ve been up to, especially during those times when I failed to update this grow box.

-I managed several short vacations, mostly in s p a i n .

One with babuy (that’s how my boyfriend and I call each other, and now his friends do too after they found out what it means) in Barcelona, one with Lynn in Madrid (plus a Copenhagen side trip where I met up with wonderful Mama Liezel) and one in Budapest with G, the longest being ten days and the shortest four. I have also taken special liking to traveling to Austria for wonderfully cheap and great Japanese food and Filipino patis, bagoong and sinigang mix,  or to Legoland in Gunzberg and race with German cars in their no speed limit highways (mehn, orgasmic, even if it meant driving from 5-8 hours each time) or to Parndorf for the designer outlet. I haven’t been home and that hurts like crazy, though. Major booboo.

- I moved to another flat and became an expert in Ikea furniture mounting. Moving was a bitch. Looking for the new flat and moving took a lot of time and a lot of nerves.

- I did manage to finally snag my EU driving license and improve my Czech tremendously. I never really wanted to learn the language since my plans a couple of years ago did not include staying here for longer. I thought that I only needed enough Czech to be polite, to order food in a restaurant, to talk to the police if I get stopped, to small talk a bit, to not get lost or to cuss (joke)… but as I got surprised by several uninvited events in 2005, I chose to stay and thus I need to learn. As for Spanish I’m still on level 2, malamang na-trauma ako sa Czech dahil with it, I didn’t have any other language to derive from.

- I finally bought my first SLR camera and I hope that one project I am planning for the coming year pushes through. Most probably, I’ll update about it. The most interesting photo projects I was able to accomplish this year were two female nudes. Both of them were acquaintances and they fortunately liked the final product. Kabado ako the first time, pero it seemed that since I am also a girl, they both felt more comfortable doing it with me. The shoot, I mean. =) I have a couple more requests but I still haven’t had the time to do them. That was as far as I went with photography this year aside from a couple of out of town photo trips. And mostly that was because…

- I’ve been traveling a lot although not all the time for the pure satisfaction of my wanderlust. Our general manager resigned in March. All of his work was spread among us and thus they had to make sure that I had full training to manage some of the crap he left, additionally I had to meet with several different people to ensure that we are still fully capable even without him, myemye. Most of the year went by in a blur of airports, friendly cab drivers and mixed up currencies. I was not fortunate enough to be able to go around and be an annoying tourist. When I am home in p r a g  u e , it’s a circus of business dinners, presentations and asking myself – ‘ano nga sinabi ko ulit kahapon?”. I was missing my usual battery recharging which I used to have from the home leave, I got a bit depressed around August. Isang malaki Huwaat? Marunong pala akong ma-depress. But in September when I attended some two week training in b r u s s e l s, I bounced back. The people were great and course put me back on track. Right now I’m quite happy with how the whole department is performing and I love my colleagues, but I still know that I want to and have to move soon. Since I’ve spent more time working this year, it also meant that partying was on an all time low, I did attend a couple of good ones this year with Armin Van Buuren, Lee Dagger, Martin Solveig and Paul Van Dyk playing. I’ve never really had a special fondness for pop star concerts but I would have given my arm (including the platinum on the broken one) for one Madonna concert ticket which was sold out on the first day the tickets were released. I like her for her sheer regal status, but mostly I want to see her before the pop icon melts into old age, because she will… even with all the kabala water and energy drinks she consumes.

- My two greatest achievements are as trivial as they are potentially amazing to people who know me well. I now know how to cook and I am not afraid of the kitchen anymore. Woohoo!!! I have to thank my boyfriend (for this award, echos) for being really supportive, for not counting the countless times I burnt rice (or other rather likely toxic substances I concocted in the kitchen) because I thought that while cooking, I can check my work emails or take a shower simultaneously. And to Gerard who has been my cooking buddy and closest friend here – he taught me the relaxing art of cooking a mean caldereta even when you’ve already had too much red wine before the pressure cooker goes toot. Now, I am able to jazz up pasta like a motherf… igure. Hehe. I can cook adobo, may gata man o wala and I can sautee like the devil can eat fire. Hehe *apir* On Mondays while W goes for football, I pretend to be a domesticated diva in a kitchen bitch apron. My next achievement is owed to the www for teaching me how to apply makeup and to another friend of mine here who relentlessly bought me makeup items until they eventually appealed to me because I didn’t want to put money to waste (if you’re stingy enough, people can make you do anything). Believe it or not, this is an achievement. In high school, I was the type who lost handkerchiefs and would go to school without blow drying my hair (well, I still do that now, but never in winter, kundi pulmonya aabutin ko). No I am not a pro (yet, hehe ilusyonada), but hey I can already keep my eyes open while I apply mascara and I don’t look like Manny P’s latest victim when I apply eyeshadow.

- I still haven’t gotten the platinum out of my arm from when I broke it last summer, kaya limitado ang physical activity. That’s another excuse if you’re counting. I usually just go for a swim or go dancing – so in salsa I’m already at level 4 … 5 is very advanced. I really just did salsa for the fun of it and mostly because I think there comes a time in your life when you’re just too old for hip hop –- when you go into a class and realize that everyone else is under fifteen (comedy) — and too lazy for something as strenuous as jazz. I still went for hiphop camp this year (long story) and noticed that everyone is getting younger, hehehe, I’m terribly old for sleeping in a tent or in the car. I’m supposed to learn snowboarding soon but since there is still no snow in most of Europe aside from the a l p s, my black-and-blues are still delayed. 

- Now I’m really getting serious about getting the MBA, I’ve attended a couple of orientation sessions and I already received a GMAT book as a gift (lahat ng gifts ko useful). 2007 is really a deciding year, otherwise I might be too old for it.

O ayan, that was my 2006. The only thing I have been constantly aware of is how everyone seems to be getting married or having children, whichever. Minsan naiisip ko hindi kaya konti na lang e magra-rally na rin ang mga obaryo ko? I am sincerely happy for you guys but I can’t stop thinking how maybe I should too. Nah, maybe not. At this point in my life there’s still too many things I see in front of me, I just really want to be fair to my future children that I’m fully able to devote myself to them when they come (and hope they’re prepared for me too, goodlak).I hope that everyone had a great mix of new things, new people and new garbage to deal with in 2006. 2007 should be just as interesting as long as you keep your heart big and open and free for everyone… even when and if it gets trampled, believe me, hearts are wonderfully resilient, they can take anything you throw at them. Enjoy!

I guess for all my rose colored bullshit, I never really believed in one true love nor soul mates. Call me sad and over practical. Call me jaded. Call me the daughter of a stale, less intuitive philosophy. =) I believe that a person grows on his own (and with family and peers) and transforms everyday. In each stage of her* transformation, a person becomes ready for the next person in her life. All the coincidences that lead to a meeting, a glance and a good conversation suddenly then fit her life and person into a puzzle that suddenly make sense. You are a different person in each stage, with each woman or man you are with. Moreover, to compare the intensity of love across relationships is foolishness if not masochism.

Every person that comes into our lives offers us a gift that no other person is capable of at that juncture.

Thus, two people meet, fall in love and work on a relationship.

The only magical factor in all these is the precision at which a person’s circumstances fit to the other.

As I say frequently, you are never prepared for anything. Something smacks you right between your eyes and you just know you have to be ready for it. If fate exists though and if she really pushes us to play her hand instead of ours, she only exists in this way. The way you love, choose the person and the time is all up to you. There is no enchantment connected to the equation of two people. While a spark is a spark, what follows, is purely a matter of choice and a matter of courage.

Sadly though, when puzzle bindings morph, you also need to have the intuition and then the resilience to slide out (anyway, you will be forced to). Otherwise, you will keep on holding on to something, until one day, you’ll open your eyes and not even recognize the face. This is the saddest tragedy of all.

In this life we are given a lot of sliding doors. In my life, some of the ones I have chosen to enter have taken my breath away and then for some indecipherable reason were taken away from me. But each time one door hits me in the nose and breaks it while I try to move forward, a bigger door opens. The choice of stepping into the next door makes me understand myself more, each time.

Love is work, unfortunately. The work that we dedicate to each relationship in our lives and through the choices we make to continue or to get out of each, determines our quality as a person.

I will never be able to bring hope to those who dream of becoming Sleeping Beauty. Sleeping princesses usually wait for a hundred of years, I unfortunately was never built to linger. Nonetheless, while I flutter through gardens, I already have an idea (no matter how vague it is) of what my pollen should taste like.

And no one should take that against me.