antecoitus

I’m taking back all the hate I have hurled towards Mondays! All those days when my alarm has woken me with a jolt and I curse at the universe for making Monday come, I take all those cuss words back and bid my life to toil again. I miss work with such fervor I feel heartbroken… kidding… but I do miss being a bit more productive than I have been for the past several days. More productive than, say, planning the movie list or making sure that I have milk enough to last me the day. Proof of this utter boredom was my grit to take advantage of the season sale in the centre, yesterday, albeit the resistance I received from W. After the fourth shop I was already clutching my stomach in pain, W was right and, I was pigheaded as usual. This morning I went out to our balcony to get some fresh air, as my second morning task after meds and cornflakes. I like being in the balcony, some of my neighbors like having their balcony doors or their bigger windows open even when they have family business to talk about. Most of the time, I hear people having sex (unless that rhythmic ah, ah, ah, is something else… and if it is, then I want it). Other times, I hear some husband who has just come home and his wife throwing him out with mere tonsil power. There’s nothing much happening today in our building but a lot in my head, so I decided to write them down.

On Gender and Sexuality

If and when I get lucky enough to have kids, I prefer to send them to a co-ed school, a non-gender exclusive institution of learning. Nothing against those educated in an all-‘insert gender here’ school, being from one my self. I think they’re great; the quality of education across these schools must be more or less the same, anyhow. However, I would like to give my kids the possibility of understanding the bugs of each gender type. I want them to understand the subtleties of sexuality – the strengths and the frailties of each by growing up in an environment where all these possibilities are provided to them. And please, sexuality does not just equate to sexual preference (towards a man/woman) or orientation (homo, hetero, bi). Gender and sexuality encompasses issues of feminism, esteem even cross gender communication. I would like my kids to be respectful of other people’s character and make up, no matter their gender, preference or orientation. I want them to be open to each possible direction and be as they are meant to be without having to be repressed by hypocrisy, without having their own potentials limited. I do not want them to look up to other people just by virtue of their gender that somehow dictates their position in an invisible caste.

Now on the two-facedness of society in terms of accepting other possible sexual orientations:

Joey: Ross, I got a science question for you.

Ross:  Okay, shoot.

Joey: If Homo sapiens are indeed, HOMO… Sapiens, is that why they’re instinct?

Ross: Joey, Homo sapiens are people.

Joey: Hey, I’m not judgin’.

There are very few gay* jokes I can take. Especially from losers. (I think the one above is not particularly offensive as it plays more on Joey’s intellect more than anything else, but I put it there anyway as a transitional device =)). I believe, that children who grow up thinking that it is right to create sweeping generalizations about people who are different from them usually cannot make their own lives work, because they have lived in fear of being judged themselves.

My children cannot grow up making silly, shallow, uneducated jokes and remarks about other people just because they were acclimatized to thinking so. And if there is anything degrading about other people that would come out of their mouths, they’re going to get it. They’re going to get it like I got it from my mom when I acted all stuck up on my sister once. They have to learn to think for themselves, on issues such as and other than.

The hypocrisy of our self-proclaimed liberal generation is sickening. The way some people complain ‘what do gay/lesbian movements want… they’re accepted’… please! Women have been at it for centuries now and we’re still not there yet. C’mon, think about it… b r o k e b a c k  m o u n t a i n - was the first ever mainstream movie about two men in love. How long did it take? Too long. Although it did discuss the difficulties gay men go through during that period, it was above all, a love story. You could have replaced one of them with a girl and the story would not breakdown. Birdcage (with Robin Williams) on the other hand will, because it is based on the idiosyncrasies of a family with two same gender parents.

It is true that homosexuals are fighting for legal rights, but the common rights which they should just get from people around them, friends sometimes even, are still being denied from them. We like to watch fun gay movies or musicals, but when a gay couple kisses in front of us, we still cringe. We laugh with them, but we cannot be with them. That’s why I believe that every proud gay couple should not be ashamed of public intimacy, if they feel like being sweet in the moment, they should. Who else will be proud of their relationship, if not them? Other people, those short sighted phonies should understand that affection is part of every bond.

I once heard a guy say, ‘I’m not homophobic, just as long as they don’t do anything with me, touch me or something’. Amazing, the pieces of bull insecure people can come up with. Obviously, this guy has not looked well enough to see that most of the better-looking guys in the world are not heterosexual. Is he too macho for them? No, just too superficial. I remember the first time I cut my hair really short, I went to this fabulous hairdresser (who we’ll call Ryan – not his real name) who was the first one in all my two years in p r a g u e to take more than fifteen minutes to talk about how he thinks my hair should look like. I loved him. So, I was in the chair, watching my locks fall inch after inch while we talk about everything, when the door opened. He started commenting on the guy who came in, how he finds him really attractive. I said, ‘you want to meet him?”. He said, ‘What, you know him?’, and before I can say anything, the guy came over and kissed me on the cheek. W, came to give me moral support on the day I’m losing half my hair. Ryan turned burgundy, I introduced them, W shook his hand and they started to talk. ‘I hope you take care of my girlfriend, she’s a cropped hair virgin’, W said to which Ryan retorted, ‘I know she was in a bit of pain, you can see it in her face’. They laugh. I look at W and feel in love with him again. Seirously, how many guys can, without malice and without making snide snickering comments after do that? Not a lot. Some even think they’re targets of an invisible force of gay men who want them. Jesus Christ on a Harley-Davidson. The most wonderful people in my life happen to be gay and sorry to bust your balls this time but life is exciting enough for them to beg you for it.

Acceptance is just one step on this fight, genuine integration into the society is the real fight. Nevertheless, the gay/lesbian community should also stop discriminating within. My friend who is at least 15 years older than me, told me that during his time being gay was like being in a club… where there’s a lot of ‘should-be’s. They were a club who loved c h e r and Madonna; they were great dressers who hated football, or any sports activity that asks you to melt under the sun and everyone can pull off a one liner like a proper queen. He hated c  h e , still does; he likes basketball, but his orientation does not change. He felt rather alone.

It’s a long way true, but I think it will happen. I’m sure their inherent strength of character and sometimes piercing sincerity will pull them through. Like one friend of mine said, real integration means that his staff (he’s holding quite a high position in a corporate set-up) would in the future be able to say: ‘I had a great manager’ without having to say in a tone of amazement ‘and he happens to be gay’. Just a great manager, that’s enough.

* next posts are on friendster and heartbreaks, but first I have to go make myself some lunch.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 9th, 2007 at 3:41 am and is filed under live and get entertained (issues). You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.