antecoitus

Do you still remember the movie New York Stories (1989), a movie with three segments directed by Martin Scorsese, Francis Ford Coppola and Woody Allen? In the first story entitled Life Lessons which starred Nick Nolte and Rosanna Arquette, Steve Buscemi who played a comedian and one of the people Rosanna dates had a monologue which said (from my memory so forgive me if I do not get the exact words)… ‘I hate it so much when you ask somebody how they are and they tell you… I’m content. I’m always tempted to say ‘how about if I smack you now, how would you feel then?’/ Today I woke up and I felt… EVEN… I didn’t like it’.

Contentment is a very complex idea because we never really know when we are, because if we honestly are, we would stop kicking and pushing and moving forward. There are people whom I’ve met who take their lives sincerely as it is and know in their hearts they can die tomorrow without regret. Those who think they have seen enough of it and do not need more. They are fine with what they have and are never judgmental or afraid of those who are more expansive. But then there are those people who preach contentment to cover their pride and their fear. I loathe this type. Especially the ones who think they have ascendancy over others who have decided differently about their lives.

Going out of the country is unfortunately often times connected to discontent by some. Maybe it is, or maybe its just another option.

Several times during my flights home, I have sat beside an ageing mother or father of around 30 or more, who works outside of the country in an effort to provide more for his family in the Philippines. Each time it melts my heart. Usually they would start the conversation with a question ‘Are you Filipina?’, I respond. Half-expecting a barrage of smiles and unsolicited information. I entertain these exchanges not out of boredom but out of pure interest. It makes me feel warm. I imagine that to some of them, it is like talking to their child or friend whom they have not connected with in a while. Technology just does not cut it. Phones and instant messaging still lack spirit. It will not be long before I get to know half of their extended family, before I get to see pictures of their children – the one who got ‘best in math’ or ‘most behaved’ or the one who won the local beauty pageant. Their pride comes not only from their kids, but from the fact that they are part of it even from afar. In their voices there would also be that familiar note of guilt, of pain, that they cannot be there with them all the time. I would usually trade mobile phone numbers with them, half-knowing that they will forget about me the moment they see their family. To them I was family on that 20 hour trip, and so were they to me. I see my parents in them every time and my heart stings knowing that some of them are close to retirement age and yet still hold the wheel to help veer the family in a direction they dream about. Is it discontent or is it a conscious sacrifice?

I sometimes incredulously laugh at the ingenuity of some Filipinos working abroad who try to sell make-up products (or just about anything) to other Filipinos whom they have never seen before and only just met at the waiting area (gate). I asked one why she still thinks of business when she should be already relaxing thinking of getting reunited with her family, she told me “somehow the income from my airport sales can additionally finance my children’s duty free shopping”. Is it discontent or is it sincere generosity?

When the plane is about to land, they clap their hearts out like somebody brought a celebrity to sing for them. My cheeks sometimes blush with a tinge of embarrassment but my heart would be doing the same thing. It would even be doing somersaults in the air knowing that the stickiness of humidity will soon crawl on my skin; the WOW Philippines string quartet will welcome me yet again; the distinct sweet smell of the air and of Filipino food (and patis) will be feasting in my nostrils; and my family will be rushing to me with wholehearted enthusiasm. Being far away is not simple. Is it discontent or is it necessity? Or is it simply, a choice?

Why do some people leave if not being home is unbearable?

Because life is not as straightforward as our self-righteous brothers think. Because some people look for themselves in other ways than the more conventional ones. Maybe also, because some people have lost faith in the Philippines, true. Sadly most of the time because of the people who have been left behind. Sometimes, the same people who preach idealism and hope for the Philippines either have been irresponsible of their own lives, have become too happy with themselves and turned towards the wrong direction in the process. Either that or they have let apathy grow inside of them like maggots eating up tolerance.

Because some people do not like feeling EVEN and indifferent and its their own way of dealing with their disappointments or their needs of self-fulfillment, and of finding happiness for their family - if only to fulfill the most basic of all necessities - and for themselves.

Shame to those who think that such (contestable suggestion of) contentment equates to nobility, and ambition to greed. I hope you get the chance to have a conversation with the lovely people I have had the pleasure to meet beside my plane seat. I hope that you become lucky enough to see how unfair myopic arguments can be.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 3rd, 2007 at 7:28 am and is filed under live and get entertained (issues). You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.