antecoitus

Quick updates:

It is not the first time that my appointment book is full for the next full month, including evenings. Not that I am SO sought after or anything, it’s more about work transitions, overlapping priorities and spreading myself thinly. It is however rare to have my schedule full for the next two months, one month of which means I will be increasing my intimacy level with my suitcase.  The last time I had some presentation trip, it was five countries in nine days. Interestingly though, I now have a full photo collection of cab drivers and the backs of their heads. Business trips can kill the tourist in you, believe me. Time seems to be swirling around me like a mad PMS-ing tornado, one of my minute joys include a forty-minute lunch break when I get to update this blog and inadvertently, you people, who may not be really interested in what I say. But what the hey, since you’ve opened the site out of curiosity at least you will have that consolation of knowing that actually ranting in blogs can also serve as other people’s anger management session. It’s way cheaper than a shrink… also sans the vinyl couch.

An acquaintance, who has not yet gotten over her ex-boyfriend and totally bitter about it, told me how extremely tough it is for her to forgive him. (Mama L, amazingly after we had that conversation, I went out with some friend to a pub and met this one). When she asked me, if in general it is easy for me to forgive and forget, I told her yes. When she asked me how I try to do it, I said this:

How to forgive and forget in 4 easy steps:

1. Evaluate the gravity of the problem or the nature of the offense. If it is only there because it is hurting your pride, then all you have to do is to stop thinking too highly of yourself. Shit happens, and mostly to good people.

2. If you have reconciled this, assess the effect of that heartache on your future. Is it directly holding you down to move on with other things in your life? Is it just annoying because the person who hurt you is running around the same circles and reminds you everyday that you got duped by someone you love or worse, (you finally realize) a loser?

3. If the answer to question 1 on 2 is yes. Eliminate the person in your daily life, slowly or quickly, whatever gets you off. If the answer to question 2 on 2 is yes. You have to see your worth above him, your value and your possibilities, most of the time you are better off somewhere else. (If you got cheated and the person who replaced you is someone you cannot look up to or at least respect, then, you are in a very well placed position to move on). Think about it: that joke is running around happy and you are allowing yourself to be miserable. It’s not fair. First belong to yourself, only then can you fully devote yourself to someone else. (And you have to choose the person you devote yourself carefully to).

If you manage to become happy on your own (i.e. in relationships - you found someone else and realized what you were previously attached to is really not your type or that he/she ended up with someone you could not be or will never want to be like, or in friendship, that there are better things to do and learn and people to meet), there is really no need for revenge or harsh words or looong teeedious melodrama. If you have bouts of anger, write him a rant, let off some steam and get it over with. Try to make it funny and adorable, it helps. But if you do the next three steps nicely, your fits will be rare. If you think he’s happy and you can be or are anyway happy without making him miserable, let it go. You owe yourself something better. You owe yourself your own time, do not waste it on pining for damages and damaged merchandise (at least in your eyes).

So there I guess I answered the question: Do I oversimplify? I do, and also sometimes I am too brave — one can live only with a hundred percent on everything one does. Otherwise, you’re just floating around.

I am not neutral in most cases. That’s how I try to get to know myself. It’s not easy, but most of the time when I fall on my ass or I find myself with my foot inside my mouth, trust me, it can be a real hoot.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 14th, 2006 at 8:03 am and is filed under the buzz (current tsismis). You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.