antecoitus

I am ___ years old and still by choice a virgin. Anything fucking wrong with that?

I had a blissful weekend out of the concrete jungle and told some of my friends about it. I stayed there with my boyfriend and no one else. Oo kaming dalawa lang. Growing up like I didn’t give a damn about my ovaries and not wanting to wear a bra for the sheer inconvenience of having something wrapped around your chest all day with your sweat gathered sourly together, has made me seem like one of those people who would miraculously realize that I can use my vagina for something else other than peeing. One day in college we were talking about who among us (in my clique) would get maried first and they all pointed to ME. I craned my neck towards them so rapidly that I almost killed myself. I went ballistic, almost offended. As if marrying early was equal to lying on the street waiting to get humped. Well.. they all think the one least likely to get married would be the first one tied down. Suprise, surprise, the story of my life.

And so, every time N and I would decide to go somewhere all by ourselves, I either get loads of SMS begging for updates on my (not so eventful) sex life. Or, the first question to be asked when I get back is undoubtedly: SO DID YOU DO IT? I always disappoint them.

Hey I make out.. a lot in fact, but I have not done it.. done it.

I have absolutely nothing against people who have decided to do it before marriage. I am not from Pleasantville. In fact I envy them at times, brave ones who are not afraid to do what they want to do. But, I am doing what I want to do . Or maybe I romanticize everything a little too much. I flirt, yeah, I am quite liberal, and I know how tolerant I can be of other people’s opinions and ideas. Its just a little unnerving during times that I feel nauseous, someone blurts out jokingly: Buntis ka no? (you pregnant?) , I always say: Ano Immaculate Concepcion? , someone will automatically say Waaahh Madre! . Or when they are talking about sex and one of my friends will jokingly cover my ears. For crying out loud, I’m a virgin not a retard. Jesus Christ.

One time during lunch,I was talking to a couple of friends about relationships and one relayed some of his recent ones, I think he has quite an appeal to the other members of the community.
Him: So how many boyfriends have you had and how long?
Me: One, three years.
Him: But surely, you have had flings?
Him: Well, yeah, maybe.. yeah sure. (I have forgotten that I did)
Another friend: They haven’t done it. She has not done it with anyone.
Me: (manager drops fork, looks at me like a museum specimen for 5 long seconds and waves his hand) WHAT?

Him: What’s your problem? (breathes in, like he’s trying to control himself from hitting me, then waves his hand) Okay, no judgement, I can’t judge you, honey.

No Judgement? I don’t know what he meant when he said it. Did he mean, am I sick? Am I afraid of germs? Am I afraid of anything that resembles a shaft? Na-rape ba ko nung bata ako? That is not normal? Why the hell would someone as healthy as I am not want to do it yet? Everybody else is?

Ten years ago I would have been the norm. Now I am the exception.

I do not dare judge others who have not chosen the path I took, I do not have the right, and I am against any form of witch hunt. I believe that anyone should be able to face the responsibilities that come with the choice. Maybe, yes, I am scared of getting pregnant in the middle of my prime (so you’ll probably say, as others have: you don’t have to get pregnant!) or maybe I don’t want my first time to be with my mate’s penis covered with latex or maybe I can still hear the voice of my grandmother who is vehemently against premarital sex in my head or maybe I just want to wait. Not necessarily after marriage but maybe, at the time when I am really ready to want it.

To all the girls who have decided to give it a try, I say they should still hold their heads up. As long as you’re not whoring yourself to anyone and everyone you meet, for.. I don’t know… self affirmation, unless again its a choice that you can handle.. or an experiment (your hoping for a breakthrough that will improve the way we ride each other today). I know its a little difficult expecially within the Philippine culture to come out of the closet and not be ashamed of your choice of doing it. Dahil ang kultura natin, kahit hugis at sukat ng balakang pinakekealaman, may mapagusapan lang. Hindi kabawasan ang magdesisyon, ang kabawasan, pag nakikigaya ka lang. Being responsible for your choices, in terms of sex, goes the same for men, sabi nga nila: dapat may bayag ka sa puso at may bayag ka sa utak.

I happen to know of some people who have decided to wait. Well… the number is getting less and less each year, and none of my friends have gotten married yet, at least those below 28.

This entry was posted on Friday, December 2nd, 2005 at 6:30 pm and is filed under live and get entertained (issues). You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.